Pappy was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year and a half ago. Now, I'm a nurse, and I know that the lung cancer prognosis is poor. Lung cancer generally is not curable.. except in the very small population that catch it super early and can have surgery to remove it. Even then you have to meet very specific criteria, which Pappy did not, even though they did catch his pretty early. He was frequently in the hospital anyways with pneumonia due to other lung conditions and thankfully, this time it was a good thing. The frequent chest x-rays and CT scans that they obtained due to the pneumonia caught the cancer in the early stages, and he started chemotherapy and radiation immediately.
Even though he had lung cancer, Pappy never seemed sick. He would be getting his chemo treatments and then hitting the golf course the next week. He drove the family the whole way to Florida for vacation. He went to the beach in the summer. How is it that my Pap, the one that sat out in the sun for hours with me, Trevor, and Uncle Doug at the US Golf Open in June only has a few weeks left? He never even seemed sick.
About a few weeks ago he went to his cancer doctor who gave him the grave news: The chemo and radiation were no longer working. He could continue the treatment and have a life expectancy of about 6 months, or he could stop treatment and would live about 3 months. If he continued treatment, he would live longer, but he would be very sick and worn down.
Last week Pappy was in the hospital again with pneumonia. There he received more bad news, that the end was near. Cancer was spread throughout his entire right lung and there was a golf ball sized tumor in his left.
This is where I am, kind of in limbo and at a loss for words. What do you do when your Pap (or any other loved one, for that matter) only has days left to live? I went and spent time with him Sunday evening and he was just the same old Pappy that I've always known and loved, the one who was cracking jokes and playing with the newborn babies while he sat in his recliner watching the Golf Channel. When I went to leave, I didn't want to stop hugging him. He gave me one of his "Pappy hugs" and squeezed me as hard as he could. I don't want to say goodbye to him, he is only in his early 70's and has so much life left. I told him that I would be back in two weeks to see him. I pray that he has that much time left.
Death doesn't discriminate and we all must face it someday. I keep thinking about all of my memories with my Pap and how I'm not ready to say goodbye. He was a carpenter and built the house I grew up in. He took me to Disney when I was 8 years old. I have so many fond beach trip memories with him. When I started college, he let me live with him for a few weeks. He is so good with kids and was the best Pap in the world when I was growing up. He used to make me Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast.
My end message that I'm going to leave here is this: Go spend as much time with your family and loved ones as possible. There is no greater gift in this world than your family, and you really don't know how much time on Earth someone may have left.
 |
| At the US Open June 2016 |
No comments
Post a Comment