Hudson's Birth Story

Disclaimer: This post is super long because I wanted to remember every detail. Just a warning! 

I don't know about you, but I love birth stories. Maybe it's the labor and delivery nurse in me. During my pregnancy, every night I would go to bed listening to a podcast called "The Birth Hour" where women would go on the podcast and tell their personal birth stories. If listening to stories about women giving birth isn't your thing, maybe you should skip this post. I want to personally write down all the details so I can remember for the future because my labor was very challenging mentally and physically, but also very special to me.

As the days neared my due date, I started to get very impatient. I started my maternity leave at 38 weeks because I just physically couldn't do my job anymore without being in excruciating pain at the end of the day. Because I started it early, I felt the pressure of being on the time clock, per say. The typical first time mom will go past her due date by over a week, so I knew that it could still be some time before Hudson would make his arrival, but I was determined to encourage things along the best I could. My first week off from work I slept - a lot. I couldn't believe how exhausted I felt. Even though I was tired, I forced myself to get off the couch in the evenings and take Timber on a walk. I tried to walk at least 2 miles a day in hopes of helping him move down and into proper positioning for birth. I would have braxton hicks contractions during my walks but nothing too serious.

When I went to my 39 week appointment, I found out that my cervix was basically closed, thick, and high. That means that I was no where close to having a baby. I was so discouraged that I just went home with Trevor and cried. I was so ready to meet this little guy and was hoping for better news. That weekend the weather was nice so I pressure washed the porch and house (yes, at 39 weeks pregnant haha), and then on Sunday I made a ton of freezer meals that we could quickly heat up after baby was home. Looking back in hindsight, I had such a burst of energy that weekend that I should have taken that as a sign that labor was coming! Tiger Woods won the Masters that day and the Game of Thrones premiere was that evening. Trevor and I both joked that since Tiger had won, Hudson was finally allowed to come. I actually used my breast pump that evening to try and encourage contractions to start, but nada.

Monday came and my friend Tara came over to visit. We hung out all day and I complained to her about how I had absolutely no signs of labor and that I felt it would be awhile. We had a nice visit and then after she left I went to my mother-in-law Mickey's salon for her to give me a lash lift. Mickey had me laying back in a reclining massage chair, but I couldn't get comfortable. I started having back pain and I chalked it up to being 9 months pregnant and reclining on my back. When she sat me up we talked for awhile and I started to feel crampy. It wasn't the first time I felt crampy so I wasn't too excited, but I secretly hoped that it was a good sign that things were starting.

On the drive home from the lash lift, I noticed that my "cramps" were coming and going in waves. I stopped at the grocery store and had one there, and then another one on my drive home. I got home and Trevor was off work that night, but he woke up with a horrible sore throat and was basically just feeling miserable. For a long time, I kept it to myself that I was having these "cramps" because I didn't want to excite him over nothing, especially when he was sick. I started timing them and they were about every 6-8 minutes apart. Finally I told him that I thought I may be having mild contractions, and he said "Oh great I hope not".

An hour or so passed. We were watching "The Handmaid's Tale" on Hulu and I was bouncing on my birthing ball. Finally, I had a contraction that spread from my lower pelvis up into my back and I instantly knew it was the real thing. I told Trevor, "Okay, I definitely think i'm having contractions now." They weren't too painful though. Trevor had to shut off the episode of the show because he couldn't concentrate, he was filled with anxiety.

I started getting things together just in case it was real labor. I packed some things in my hospital bag and then got a shower. My contractions still weren't too painful at this point, but they were about every 5 minutes. This is when Trevor sort of started to panic. I was in the bathroom and saw him in the kitchen, pacing back and forth with his nose in the book I got him about labor. You know, the one I wanted him to read in the 9 months leading up to labor, not on the night when my labor actually began. He was frantically turning the pages looking up what he should do next. I about died laughing when I saw that. He asked me when we should go to the hospital and I calmly told him that we were nowhere near ready to go to the hospital. He kept nervously repeating phrases like, "Okay, okay okay" and, "I know, I know, I know". I honestly had never seen him act like that before.

The night progressed and my contractions had become more painful. It was about midnight at that time. Trevor lit some candles, we dimmed the lights, I bounced on my ball during some contractions. I also ate a bowl of cereal then and Trevor poured me a glass of wine to relax (midwife approved!). I then decided that I wanted to get into the shower. Trevor sat in the living room at this time still in a panic. The shower felt amazing. I used the shower head and sprayed it directly on my belly and back during a contraction, and the hot water was enough that I couldn't even feel the contractions. However, it must had been a little too relaxing because when I got out of the shower, my contractions went from every 3-5 minutes to every 8-10 minutes. I was extremely disappointed.. and it was about 3am and I was also exhausted. Trevor and I both decided to try and lay down and get some sleep at this point.

I was able to sleep in between contractions, which were now spaced every 10-20 minutes, but as soon as one hit, I had to get out of bed, lean on the wall, and really focus on my breathing because it hurt that bad. The morning came, and my contractions were still about every 10 minutes but so freaking painful. I barely got any sleep and I wasn't even interested in eating at that point. I really didn't know what to do. I was in agony, but I knew if I went to the hospital that they would either 1. Send me home, or 2. Admit me and start pitocin to get my contractions closer together, and I didn't want either one of those options. I conveniently had an OB appointment that day at 2pm, so I decided that I would stick it out until then and have my midwife check me at my appointment, and discuss the options from there.

It was horrible getting to 2pm. Trevor was still feeling miserable and sick, so he stopped at our employee health center to get his throat swabbed and tested for strep. It was negative, thankfully, but his stomach was constantly churning and he had crazy diarrhea. (Not just randomly telling you this, these facts will come into play later in the story, haha) While Trevor was in employee health, I was in the Jeep in the hospital parking lot trying to survive. Every time a contraction would come along, I had to hop out of the Jeep, lean forward onto the seat, and sway and moan to get through it. It seemed like an eternity for him to come back. Also when we were driving, having contractions in the car is not fun. At all.

We went to my OB appointment. Thankfully when she checked me, I was 4cms dilated! Note: remember just the Thursday before I was closed, so I had made 4cms of progress overnight. I was ecstatic! My contractions were actually doing something! Jill, the midwife told me to go home and start walking to get my contractions closer together. When we got home, Trevor and I started down our driveway to go for a walk. I hadn't even made it past the garage when a contraction hit. I had to lean on the garage and sway my hips back and forth to get through it. Trevor made the executive decision that we were not going to go for a walk down the road and that I could do laps inside our house instead. So I started doing laps around our living room and kitchen while Trevor sat in the recliner and just watched me. Every time I would get a contraction, I would lean up on the ledge of our fireplace and sway while Trevor would rub my back. Trev was also timing the contractions at this point. They finally started to get closer together again, about every 3-5 minutes.

Trevor wanted to head to the hospital at this point, but I was still leery. I wanted to make sure that my contractions were going to consistently stay close together and not space out again. I got in the shower again, which at this point was my 3rd or 4th shower in 24 hours. I just stood in the hot water and every time a contraction would hit, I would lean up against the shower wall and breathe and Trevor would spray the hot water on my back. Finally, Trevor convinced me to go to the hospital. I've never seen Trevor more giddy and excited as when I told him I would go in. He was relieved because he hated seeing me in pain. We loaded up our stuff and off we went.

I had a couple contractions in the Jeep on the way there. We parked in the garage and walked to labor and delivery (although Trevor wanted to get me a wheelchair). We finally got checked in and they checked me and I was 5cms. This is where the contractions got intense. Trevor was a rockstar though. I would get a contraction and have to lean over the bed and breathe. Every single time I got a contraction, Trevor would be right behind me rubbing my back. He was soooo supportive of me when I was in labor and I was so thankful for that! I think once we got to the hospital he was relieved and really could start to be himself again. He was an awesome partner for labor. He even stood right behind me and let me lean on him while swaying with me in-between contractions.

At about 26 hours into my labor, I decided that I wanted an epidural. I was just exhausted and didn't know how I would make it through the contractions anymore. The pain was radiating from my lower pelvis, down my back, and then down my thighs. It was so intense. It seemed like once I decided that I wanted an epidural that it took a lifetime though. They had to go through all of my admission stuff, get my IV started, labs drawn, and then we had to wait for my platelet count to come back before the anesthesiologist would do my epidural. Finally I was able to get it. Dr. Schultz was the anesthesiologist that was on at the time and I like working with him in the OR so it was a good experience. As soon as he placed it, I felt immediate relief. I got settled into bed and then the game plan was to just let me labor all night on my own and let my body do its own thing.

Once I was all settled in with an epidural, we let our families come visit. My mom, grandma, and sister all came up and then Trevor's parents came in too. They were all troopers, because my labor lasted all night long. My family ended up going to my house and took a little nap and Trev's parents went home for a bit too.

My water broke around 6am, and then I was finally 10cm dilated around 9:30am ish. They let me "labor down" which means they let me just hang out for a bit to see if my body would bring the baby down naturally, to help shorten pushing times. When the time came to push, the doctor came into the room to assess the baby's position. I tried to push but couldn't feel anything. It was so difficult for me. My epidural was way too heavy. The doctor said that Hudson's head was also in a weird position, and he was looking towards my left hip instead of looking towards my spine. I knew this all along. He had been faced that way for weeks and I could tell based on where I felt him kicking and where his body was. This also explained why my labor was taking forever. When babies heads aren't properly positioned and putting pressure on the cervix, contractions can be irregular and ineffective, causing a super long labor.

The doctor then said to Julie, my nurse, "She's going to need a lot of coaching". And also then started to talk to me about the possibility of a c-section. I was furious, and scared. A c-section had been my biggest fear ever since I found out I was pregnant. I know that they are useful for saving babies and moms lives in emergencies, but since I had been a labor and delivery nurse in the past, I just dreamed of being able to deliver a baby vaginally like I had seen time and time again. There's something so magical about the way our bodies are meant to do it! Oh, and I also had worked with that doctor in the operating room before and I was not impressed at all by her surgical skills.

Because I couldn't feel to push, we decided to stop using my epidural for a little. Julie, my amazing nurse, turned me around into a knee chest position where I was on my knees and the back of the bed was raised, so I leaned over the back of the bed. In this position, I finally felt where to push! Also, I started to feel my contractions again since the epidural was off. I started to get really uncomfortable. Julie left the room and I told Trevor that I was going to do a couple pushes because I could feel where to push. Trevor was nervous, but I knew that the baby wasn't going to fly out anytime soon. I told him, "I know what i'm doing!". When I did a couple pushes on my own in that position, I could feel the baby moving. Because the baby moved down the birth canal a bit, I started to feel immense pressure.

I pushed for about an hour in that position. Julie checked me again and said that the baby's head had caput. That basically means that only the top of the head was being squeezed and coming down, and honestly that is a major sign that the baby might not come out vaginally. I was immediately discouraged. I could see the look on Julie's face that she was also discouraged with my progress. The pressure at this point was unbelievable, I couldn't lay flat on my back at all. Also, I had to push with my contractions. At one point Julie told me not to push and I basically said something like, "I can't help it, my body is going to push!" Oh, and my epidural was also completely worn off at this point too.

We had flipped around into various positions but the position that felt best for me was in the knee chest position. Julie had a hard time monitoring the baby's heartbeat in this position, and the doctor also had a hard time checking to see where the baby's head was located. They both wanted me to turn around for convenience, but I wouldn't. I knew that the knee chest position was the optimal position for me to push that baby out. The doctor was able to reach in at this point while I was pushing and turn Hudson's head the correct way. The feeling when she did that was almost unbearable, but I was doing anything I could to try to get him out the right way. After she was able to turn his head, we really started to make progress! I pushed for another hour with Trevor holding one leg and Julie the other. Trevor started to get white in the face from being so dehydrated from being sick, he had to sit down in-between contractions. Finally after pushing that last hour, he came out. The feeling was crazy, and the "ring of fire" everyone talks about when the baby's head stretches your tissues is so real. I'm thankful that the doctor coached me on doing slow pushes at the end because I was able to give birth to almost a 9lb baby without needing stitches!

Hudson was born at 1:54pm on April 17th, 2019 after over 40 hours of labor. It was by far the hardest thing, mentally and physically, that I had ever done. Even though I've seen hundreds of births in my lifetime, the experience was so much different than I had ever imagined.

Skin to skin immediately after he was born

Postpartum has been filled with ups and downs, thanks to my hormones. First, even though I didn't tear at all, I was so swollen the first couple of days that I could barely sit down or even walk. Thankfully that subsided in a matter of days. Breastfeeding was a little challenging for me at first. We had a couple issues with his latch that caused me to be super sore, and the second day of breastfeeding was horrible. It was so painful I just would wince in pain the entire time. I worked with the lactation consultant and nurses and we corrected what the problems were, and now it's going great!

The first day we came home was soooo rough. My hormones made me crazy. I was so overwhelmed after bringing him home that the first couple days were filled with tears. The first night I was up almost every hour or so feeding (on super sore nipples), and I was just crying. Also, I was bawling because I didn't want my little baby to grow up. I was also crying because I loved him so much. The emotions were such a rollercoaster. We are finally starting to get the hang of things and get into a routine with him. My emotions are still hit or miss, but they are starting to level out a bit.

We are so unbelievably in love with this little boy and are so excited to watch him learn and grow. And of course, I'm going to remind him of my hellish labor that I had with him for the rest of his life.